Two Hours

I spent two hours on the phone with my old friend from work....two hours....I miss her but in a weird way... she asked a favor that i would of course do - it was the sort of favor that any good friend would do without thinking.  I don't know whether I'm surprised that she called me or happy.  she said she only feels she can be honest with me because I don't judge her - at least to her face - anyway - i sometimes feel like a poser.  I am always honest with my friends, but I certainly judge, i think it is human to do so.  Anyway, just  got me thinking again about my take on friendship and what it means to me and why I have so few friends.  I normally hate people, but I find myself being very social - so i tend to attract as well.  then I'm left with either the ones I want to become friends with rejecting me and the ones that i could care less about attracted to me...weird really.  I am feeling a bit bad about the one girl at work.  I have gotten rude.  I have told her several times that I don't do friendship well - i like my time to myself, and don't want to be bothered, but then i go and hang with Amanda.  I figure i make her feel like shit, but don't want to "lead" her on with a fake nice...anyway - all i need are the few people I have....i think...

i think i may be too responsible....LOL

i'm rambling - need to go to bed...