Old Boss and a A Beer

Well took half day - heaven forbid I work 5-days in one week...decided at the last min. It is too easy to take time off when in between projects, but of course i'm home now doing nothing and feeling just a tad guilty.

Met my old boss for lunch - had a beer with her - miss her company A LOT. It was nice - having that slight beer buzz enjoying company...after lunch I was suppose to spend the day running errands - decided not too....just ran to the toy store to buy my friend's kid a 1st birthday gift....SPENT WAY TOO MUCH MONEY! Jesus - makes me wonder if I do try and buy friendship - I figure why the heck not....anyway - this person wouldn't dream of doing something like that for me - but what the hell...anyway - most of the money was in a gift card but i couldn't resist buying this frog thing - she can name her own star with it - but in the registry...anyway - thought it was cool.

Now i'm home - need to do some laundry and clean my room - it is beyond messy right now - so i'm wondering if i should crack some liquor to help motivate me....nothing like a beer and folding clothes to get me in a better mood... LOL

sigh* can't wait to visit....always calm's me...nuts...

silence with music

I love coming home to an empty house - no t.v. - just cooking and some music. By far the most content...no drink in hand....just me - music and myself.

Think I'm getting sick...frickin' sucks... I'm battling a sore throat and a cough....exhausted...sigh...

I'm kind of pissy that she doesn't support me....again - makes me think this friendship thing is over-rated. Some people just take and suck and give nothing back. Am I suppose to not expect it? I feel bad that I do - but I guess I'm more selfish than I think.... what is weird is if I don't love someone - one thing can totally fuck things up for me....small shit....

man - the eyelids want to close....too early - gosta eat - wait for the man to get home...

he didn't get another promotion - those people are pissing me off - this time he really didn't have much experience in the unit that he applied for...never had done that work before so we weren't expecting to get it but still....jesus...

another person at work got a really nice bmw - everyone is asking if i'm going to upgrade....fucking funny - typical men....i don't have the testosterone for that - i LOVE my car - she is nice and fast enough....someone told me i could take her to the track and race it around at whatever speed i want...except i need a helmet....lol

Dusk to dawn
Light to day
Fun to hammer
Hit to head
Think to grave
Rise for another day

New Screen

Well it will be nice to actually blog on a full screen computer instead of my itouch. This new computer is pretty cool - one of those touch screens....

I'm going to see my sister for dinner tonight then my other sister is staying here tomorrow night....not really up for my sister's weekend....

Another friend called me today -it was kind of weird... worried about her kid - can't really relate...felt bad cause I really didn't know what to say. I come off insensitive sometimes.... I just wanted to get back to my spoiled life of new computers and too much time to myself. Man -this new keyboard is kind of sucky. LOL Anyway - drank a few beers for lunch - drinking some ice coffee so i can sober up to go out. Weird - I hadn't drank the last few days - then all of sudden wanted a few beers when I know I need to go out later...sigh...

Should clean up a little - also need to go shopping for a few things - don't want to do that either....

I understand the attachment...

Oh my

They frickin tried to make a flippin baby. I want to punch a bitch.

I had a disturbing dream last night. Been fighting my fowl mood ever since.

This so called new friend came up to me today. Said some pathetic bullshit. I wanted to punch her.

Getting my new computer tomorrow. Excited. Wasn't going to spend the money but brad insisted then we ended up getting some unexpected cash!!! So it all worked out.

Did I say I wanted to punch someone??

Maybe I should draw again.

Can't shut up

Told my boss I hated the people in my office besides Amanda. LOL. I said if it ain't for the work and him as a boss I would be gone. The thing is. .. Changes in the office are occuring. I guess I'll have to bite the bullet - take the senior exam when offered - and try and move up. I don't want too I truely don't. I already have to manage my stress. Change is hard for me in general. Also the idea of dealing with people scares the shit out of me. I have decided to just take it one day at a time and let it work itself out.

Sister coming in town this weekend with her 19 year old friend. I'm irritated.

Dam

I just looked back at my posts. Some dark shit. I also tried to figure out what was going on in my life before and after certain posts. I need to not do that. I may delete the ones from a few years ago. Need to sleep!!

Little mermaid

I wish I could copy and paste the recent dialog posts on facebook. One of my friends posted something about not letting her kids watch little mermaid because it tells girls it's okay to leave family and friends for a man she barely knows. Okay - I understand her point but give me an fucking break. There are so many bad messages relayed to girls that I can't imagine this should be top of the worry issue!! Let's see - how about getting a higher education to make sure you take of yourself. This person doesn't have one. But hey who I'm I to judge. I chose my own fucked up path. Lots of people wouldn't agree it is the best but you know what? If I had a baby girl - you bet she would understand the value of an education and that she is smart (even if she was slow). I would let her be what she wants and let her watch evil Disney films. Maybe use them as discussion or to make fun of pretty people.

I choose not to comment. I felt that it really wasn't necessary and it would come off harsh. Once again censored. Why? Cause for some reason I don't want the few friends I have feel crappy. Maybe if I were with this person talking face to face without her 100 friends watching I would comment.

Really?

Can life be as simple as drinking beer and sitting and enjoying rain and a hot tub with your partner. I haven't felt this content in a long while. I actally let myself enjoy things without being criticle of myself or my relationships. I didn't let my family change my mood. I just was and happy.

Don't want to face work monday. I didn't finish a project I should have. I like carpooling because I can't stay late but....at least I didn't worry most of the weekend.

Hittin the sack. Been sleeping better than usual. I want to continue. I actually didn't sleep but a few hours a few days last week. My brain going to fast so I'm going to welcome this calmness and benadryl for the hot tub rash.

Read it

Read your blog. I love reading your stuff. Always thanks for sharing.

Need to work on writing my own. I know it helps.

Trying to make friends. It sucks. Weird how I really only need or even want a few.