Panic

Man - I need to write but can't. I may start netflix again. I need to clean my house but can't. Still don't know how to do my job. Feel guilty about the money I make for doing very little. I shouldn't drive my fancy car. I never thought something so materialistic can make someone feel so fucking good. I feel good, but I feel I don't deserve it. Then I think - what the fuck - snap out of it.

I am tired of not taking vacation days so that I can save for when my parents get sick. I am tired of not just taking a frickin' vacation. Wish the hubby liked to travel more - I could just go and travel but then I would feel somewhat guilty and then I did marry him for his companionship - to experience shit. But you know - I will be broke for awhile. My savings is gone.... but at least I can feel SEXY. LOL

I hate that I use "-" I feel like it is a cop out to using really punctuation.

So my co-worker is making her husband go on happy pills so he will stop eating and getting fat. mmmmmm I talked way too much - put myself out there in a way I didn't want to at work... felt like throwing up after.

I miss you......