Loving the rain.
Loving no answering machine.
Loving hot decaffeinated tea.

Hating this cold I have. It is kicking my ass.

Kind of weird - I haven't checked her blog for awhile - hadn't felt like writing in mine - and then bam - i get on and she wrote yesterday.....the cosmos is weird I say...just weird....

I'm full on this roller coaster of life and I'm scared and excited all at the same time.

I'm going to hate sharing that evening....I want her all to myself, but I know others love her and like to see her....so I can't be selfish...

I'm so annoyed with the bro it is crazy - I want to know and be there and help - but in a way i'm glad he is shutting us out - i hope only for now..... we have never been so distant....i'm going from the irritation stage to the angry stage - to the very sad and disappointed stage...i've never been so happy and sad not to be on facebook...he probably would have canceled me as a friend anyway....

I feel like I may be getting sick - not really a good time for that right now....

Any respect I had is now gone. Now I need a pair of nuts and be prepared cause I can only handle so much.

Fuck You!

He is right I am worried about how this effects me and Brad, first. His needs are secondary. My family comes first.

Fuck You!

Headache and awake - my own dam fault.  We drank like fish last night.  It was a good night - lots of hot tubing, talking and laughing.  Would miss that if I were to pop one out, but I think other things would make up for it.  It is hard to let go of doing what we did last night - although we could do it - just less often.  We decided that we will continue to stick with the original plan and if need be - change it. 

Brad put ribs in the crock pot overnight - they smell wonderful and I hate ribs.

The senior exam is the 7th - not really nervous - actually - not even thinking about it.  It is what it is.  I should be preparing for it - not sure how though....

not sure what to do with all these days off.  I have housework to do - plus I need  to get the guest room clean for Pauline.  I'm glad she is staying the night.

I can't believe  how awake I am right now....DAM DRINK.

Not sure what my life is suppose to be like.  All I want is for the people around me to be happy, as well as wanting my own happiness.  I find myself feeling guilty when I am happy.  Like this can't be right.  I must be getting something wrong. I don't think I am....  I think my anticipation of unhappiness makes me unhappy.  If that makes sense.

He called me at work - it was like a 5-year old at Christmas.  His dream tank came - he was so excited.  It was the same excitement as when I got my BMW.  It was refreshing - to see him like that.  I said "won't your folks go nuts."  He said my folks will think it is cool but that I went nuts, but that you were nuttier for letting it happen.  I think it is great that we are just going for it.... yeah - it was one of our dumb financial mistakes - we should be saving for...blah blah blah....he asked if I regret we did it.  I said hell no....what makes him happy - makes me happy...I smile typing that.

The tax guy will kill us if we end up pregnant - we laugh we will need to give him a gift basket....

I think I expect too much from people and myself. The dreams don't stop.

Sometimes I wish I could take my best friend and move to an island. I know I woud miss hm but really.