My parents asked me if I would help pay for life insurance for my Dad. My Dads pension goes away when he dies and won't continue for my Mom. All because they wanted more money each month. They had a policy and now something went wrong. Anyway - they won't say an amount I would need to contribute. I'm bitter. I'm pissed. I was quiet. Brad flipped a bit. Made it clear if their is a child in our future then it will be a big fat NO - but think no should be either way. I had a dream that mom was left in the dessert alone. I feel selfish but why is it me and not other siblings? I'm somehow feeling a bit more for families with small families but I was blessed with a large one. I should benifit right? Or Is that selfish?

Brad wants to get me an iPad for my birthday. I keep saying NO.

They are building a new kingdom hall right down the street. I think of her Mom everytime I drive bye.

Drawing

I was looking through my office and found the drawings I was working on several months ago.  I surprisingly liked quite a few.  I thought I would post this one.  Although this is just copying from a drawing lesson, I'm hoping I can start drawing from my imagination someday.

 I'm going to continue back on my drawing lessons.  I don't this is all that great, but it is fun!

WTF Costco

One of the great parts of living in north west Fresno (west of 99) is almost nobody lives out here.  I can do my shopping and go about my business without, for the most part, running into anyone I know.  I LOVE IT.  I can't stand to be on my own time and run into friends, co-workers, or anyone I know when I'm out.  It makes me panic and frankly I feel my space is invaded.  So - I have a four day weekend - yesterday I thought we could take an afternoon quick Costco run with little to no crowds.  Well - I was wrong.  We went at noon on a Friday.  I ran into 4 people from my old work.  They come to this Costco cause it's right off the freeway.  Okay - I was looking TOE UP, but that didn't bother me - I rarely brush my hair anyway, but I felt invaded and so uncomfortable.  I felt bad because I cut people short, and was very evasive. I finally told people - sorry I need to leave.  A few laughed remembering how I was at work...some looked puzzled.  It isn't that I don't like these people, I just wasn't prepared.  Anyway - I made a beeline out of that place....will not go back to Costco at lunch time on a weekday!

Tried to not have attitude at work - didn't really work - but at least I had a quite day. I was asked why I didn't take this whole week off - morons.  Anyway - probably should of, but the week was okay none the less.  I'm just catching up on some serious smut TV.

Will try and work on my blog soon.

I'll need to write and reflect sometime soon, but what a weekend. Only got irritated a few times. Brad didn't understand when I say goodbye to mom and dad it has to be quick. No lingering. I do that and I get too upset. Anyway - great weekend. One for the memoary books!

Not once did I think about work and the week to come.

Loving the rain.
Loving no answering machine.
Loving hot decaffeinated tea.

Hating this cold I have. It is kicking my ass.

Kind of weird - I haven't checked her blog for awhile - hadn't felt like writing in mine - and then bam - i get on and she wrote yesterday.....the cosmos is weird I say...just weird....

I'm full on this roller coaster of life and I'm scared and excited all at the same time.

I'm going to hate sharing that evening....I want her all to myself, but I know others love her and like to see her....so I can't be selfish...

I'm so annoyed with the bro it is crazy - I want to know and be there and help - but in a way i'm glad he is shutting us out - i hope only for now..... we have never been so distant....i'm going from the irritation stage to the angry stage - to the very sad and disappointed stage...i've never been so happy and sad not to be on facebook...he probably would have canceled me as a friend anyway....

I feel like I may be getting sick - not really a good time for that right now....