Really?

Can life be as simple as drinking beer and sitting and enjoying rain and a hot tub with your partner. I haven't felt this content in a long while. I actally let myself enjoy things without being criticle of myself or my relationships. I didn't let my family change my mood. I just was and happy.

Don't want to face work monday. I didn't finish a project I should have. I like carpooling because I can't stay late but....at least I didn't worry most of the weekend.

Hittin the sack. Been sleeping better than usual. I want to continue. I actually didn't sleep but a few hours a few days last week. My brain going to fast so I'm going to welcome this calmness and benadryl for the hot tub rash.

Read it

Read your blog. I love reading your stuff. Always thanks for sharing.

Need to work on writing my own. I know it helps.

Trying to make friends. It sucks. Weird how I really only need or even want a few.

Training and fuck nuts

I can't believe how much fun this GIS training is. I'm self taught but to get some actual helpful training has been nice. The only problem is a now management co worker is also taking the training. I can't believe how angry and nervous I get. I actually want to confront. The guys know where I live cause of the pe database. Fuckers.

How much

How much is too much? Consume till you drop buy because that is all you have power over. You have no power except over yourself but that is where one feels the least. The need to control is simply overwhelming. It makes me drown. My thoughts are not my own.

Hope

Hope all is okay. Thinking of you . AlwAys grateful. Nothing perfect but somehow is. Was moved to tears by simple things today. Try go put up front. Take care my friend come back.

Really?

Not sure why I celebrate x-mas - don't get the jesus thing - at least all the time. I was thinking about it when I walked out of my bedroom and into my great room and saw this enormous tree that i spent a day decorating - for what? It does make me feel good - reminds me of when i was a child. I had great christmas', my parents, despite fighting and bickering or generic gifts provided our family with such love and fun. it is why christmas is hard - without kids. but really - what does it mean.

my sister said a prayer to herself at thanksgiving - made me wonder why i couldn't say one at my own table.

Try Again

Going to try and do this blog thing. Good way to keep in touch with the special person in my life.

Tried to get into the hot tub again today - go a rash again - hope it is stress - cause i love that hot tub.