Normalization

I'm not sure I want to write this down but this is the most "normal" feeling day I have had in awhile.  Since my Dad's death, I have been up and down.  In a haze but here. I didn't sleep last night, or if I did, it was for no more than two hours or so. I saw every hour pass. I woke up exhausted. The night wasn't stressful though. My thoughts weren't fearful or deep.  I did go through memories and obsess about work, but in general, I just could not stay asleep.  I was wired with thought.  

As the morning came, I thought I can't work. I haven't been productive at work. Not at all. I've been one of those people that just collect a check.  Not being productive at work brings me some of my greatest stress. I get paid good money--really good money. I need to earn that.  So, this morning I dragged my ass out of bed and went to work. It started out hard, but I worked through and had a wonderfully productive day.  So now I am relaxing with a beer.  Calming my mind.

I'm doing nothing but our routine this weekend and I'm so excited and loving it.  My mind and soul needs a break and I think this weekend I can get it. I dare not think ahead and how hard it will be next weekend.  I am going to live for today and enjoy this moment of peace - if even it is brief.  

I love you Dad.