I started to write something because I have a lot in my head but I got overwhelmed. How sad is that???? I guess I can lay down what I may want to talk about:
Friendship
Group
Love
Satisfaction
Grief
Sex
Obsession
Loneliness
Greedy
Sincerity
Generosity
Sister
Husband
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Normalization
I'm not sure I want to write this down but this is the most "normal" feeling day I have had in awhile. Since my Dad's death, I have been up and down. In a haze but here. I didn't sleep last night, or if I did, it was for no more than two hours or so. I saw every hour pass. I woke up exhausted. The night wasn't stressful though. My thoughts weren't fearful or deep. I did go through memories and obsess about work, but in general, I just could not stay asleep. I was wired with thought.
As the morning came, I thought I can't work. I haven't been productive at work. Not at all. I've been one of those people that just collect a check. Not being productive at work brings me some of my greatest stress. I get paid good money--really good money. I need to earn that. So, this morning I dragged my ass out of bed and went to work. It started out hard, but I worked through and had a wonderfully productive day. So now I am relaxing with a beer. Calming my mind.
I'm doing nothing but our routine this weekend and I'm so excited and loving it. My mind and soul needs a break and I think this weekend I can get it. I dare not think ahead and how hard it will be next weekend. I am going to live for today and enjoy this moment of peace - if even it is brief.
I love you Dad.
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