How much

How much is too much? Consume till you drop buy because that is all you have power over. You have no power except over yourself but that is where one feels the least. The need to control is simply overwhelming. It makes me drown. My thoughts are not my own.

Hope

Hope all is okay. Thinking of you . AlwAys grateful. Nothing perfect but somehow is. Was moved to tears by simple things today. Try go put up front. Take care my friend come back.

Really?

Not sure why I celebrate x-mas - don't get the jesus thing - at least all the time. I was thinking about it when I walked out of my bedroom and into my great room and saw this enormous tree that i spent a day decorating - for what? It does make me feel good - reminds me of when i was a child. I had great christmas', my parents, despite fighting and bickering or generic gifts provided our family with such love and fun. it is why christmas is hard - without kids. but really - what does it mean.

my sister said a prayer to herself at thanksgiving - made me wonder why i couldn't say one at my own table.

Try Again

Going to try and do this blog thing. Good way to keep in touch with the special person in my life.

Tried to get into the hot tub again today - go a rash again - hope it is stress - cause i love that hot tub.