Thanksgiving came and went. It was nice. Nicer than expected. Now preparing for the next holiday - again wondering how it will end up. Ended up sick right before I go to see my parents. I'm afraid to tell them. Hopefully I will feel better - I don't mind going sick - except the idea of getting them sick. It is always life threatening when my Mom gets sick and I couldn't be the one to get her sick. Anyway - looking foward to getting out town - but also afraid. I need to learn to trust more whether it hurts me or not. For some reason I just can't trust those that I should. I guess I don't want to be let down. Gosh I feel like shit. Emotionally I am doing okay, yes - i have outbursts of feelings that seem out of control. I went nuts last night for no real reason.
We met with the new tax guy, stuff has gotten too confusing now. Anyway, he kept saying that everything looks good for us moneywise - that we are on the road to being in a great place when we get older UNLESS a kid comes along, or divorce... he asked about kids... we said no.... and divorce - well we can't afford one.... i can see why people don't get a divorce due to money. However, i could never lead a seperate life and still be married. I guess i shouldn't say never, just that I don't see myself doing that.
I am feeling the need to connect, and because we don't emotionally, i would take physically. It seems like so much work.....almost exhausting. *sigh*
i'm going to nap - i'm fadding fast.
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