Today was a bit better of a day.  Yesterday was not so great.  I was VERY emotional and I couldn't really sort out why.  I am extremely overwhelmed at work.  Expectations are higher than normal.  However, today I managed to straiten myself out a bit. 

I have a lot going on inside my head lately.  I wish it would stop - it is interrupting my sleep.  I don't play well with others.  I'm short with people that I shouldn't be short with.  Not looking forward to my appraisal this year.  I looked at my one from last year and my marks were probably the highest I've gotten in my career really.  I'm wondering if I have reached my peak and now it is all downhill.  That is a scary thought.

I'm trying to read more.  I can't believe the crap I get for reading alone at lunch at work.  A few people can't believe I do it for fun.  What is the world coming too.  It soothes me - I bitch about life and work less.  Both good things.

I smoked a bit with a friend this weekend.....kind of fun.... :-)  I wonder if this is public!!! LOL

Anyway - I'm rambling.  I just thought I would write some stuff down....

My old boss told me I was crazy to go back to the Regional Board - that I shouldn't apply again now that I've been rejected.  She thinks the fact they even made an issue about me being "blacklisted" may mean I am!!! LOL

I've given up on Jill and Matt...I don't think I want either in my life.

Connections

We are still connected in a weird way I can't explain. We look at each other and exchange words without speaking. The attraction is there but hidden. It doesn't feel wrong but if we saw each other much it could be. I think we both keep our distance - minimize and forget - then we see each other and dam. He held her hand tight and I held his hand tighter.

I wonder if either notice. Mine may. His is too young.