I don't think I realize how much my jealousy and overall anger overtakes my life. I did something so out of character Friday that I'm still amazed I did. I wasn't going to tell Brad caused I was so embarrassed, but I had to tell someone. Thank God for Brad...cause although I want to strangle him sometimes, he is really the most stable thing in my life. Okay, my work is too. Anyway, my mind is in so many places right now. I am mad, and have no reason why I should be. I am nervous, and have no reason why. My heart won't stop skipping a beat - it hasn't for the last month...I do know why for that.
I've been looking at pictures lately...family and friends and trips... i always laughed at people that did the whole picture thing...but i wish i would have captured more....every picture is special, and makes me remember things, whether it is good or bad or indifferent.... I've wanted to setup another montage of pictures for the last five years or so of Brad and our life, and have few pictures....
speaking of pictures, i found myself cringing at how many pictures someone had up in their house of their wedding... okay these people are "pretty" people, but MAN.... how many times can you look at yourself and think - wow i'm hot...look how great i am...and great i look... maybe i am jeoulous cause i ain't hot, but really.....i look at my only wedding photo up in my office - which only went up a few months ago and thought - look how happy i was... i had a simple wedding - no regrets...wish i had more pictures, good or bad, of friends and family and us, but man - i didn't look that great in those photos but i look happier than i have EVER been. My wedding day was - without sounding like a cliche - the happiest day of my life... without the frills... unlike my friend's, and although i would have enjoyed a bit more, there was something special about mine....and it was me....and it was brad....and it was lovely...
okay - i just threw up in my mouth - i must be trying to reflect on a decade....
